Parental Involvement

Parental Involvement Take the Online Quiz

The enduring success of OnCourse SOAR requires the ongoing support and encouragement of the young adults’ parents in all aspects of the program. Both parents and young adults must be committed to establishing or sustaining an authentic, even synergistic, relationship with one another—as healthy, loving, supportive adults.

Both the participants and their parents will have varying perceptions of the authenticity of the parent-to-young-adult relationship. All parental-to-young-adult relationships will fall somewhere along the spectrum below:

Color Spectrum

Some of the most common inter-generational
(parent/child) issues are:

  • Counsel or love from parents is perceived as shallow, self-serving, or conditional, and is discounted or rejected by the young adult.
  • Inter-generational relationships are rife with drama. Neither generation knows how to have direct or difficult conversations, navigate conflict, or manage emotion when it arises—either in themselves or the other generation. Judgment and projection stunt or cripple authenticity.
  • Either or both generations are stuck in complaining or blaming mode, likely stemming from lingering baggage, conflicts, wounds, drama, or incidents. Neither generation takes appropriate and mature responsibility for the strain in the relationship.
  • Both generations struggle to articulate wants, make clean agreements, or offer heartfelt appreciation.
  • Inter-generational wounds, roles, identities, betrayals, and expectations have never been addressed properly and, as a result, have never healed.

Parent-Specific Issues and Needs:

  • How to best encourage and empower young adult children to realize their own destiny
  • How to be welcoming and nurturing without enabling or rescuing
  • Having a sense of acceptance and peace, regardless of “my child’s choices”—whatever happens
  • A “Drama-Free” family defined by authentic interactions, mutual respect, prudence, compassion, support, stewardship, learning, and self-responsibility
  • A collaborative, authentic, loving family dynamic, with adaptable “rules of engagement” between—and within—the generations
  • The repair of strained or broken relationships with young adult children. The strain may stem from:
    • Never really learning how to be a parent
    • Years of vocational commitment (e.g., life revolved around the parents’ vocations), which led to absentee parenting or parental enabling. As a result, the children never had to—or were allowed to—grow up
    • A lack of awareness or understanding of parental blind spots and how they impede children’s growth
  • Release of regret or guilt over not having done all that I could as a parent to connect with my children authentically and support them as they find their way
  • A rite-of-passage for releasing the prior parent-adolescent relationship, and then embracing the new adult-to-adult relationship
  • {In family businesses} Preparing the young adult for possible roles within the family enterprise; how to offer an opportunity to join the family enterprise, without imposing an obligation to join the enterprise.

Parental Offerings

  • Online support forums
  • Parent-only teaching sessions
  • Quarterly 1-on-1 update calls
  • Anytime support or guidance on specific family dynamic situations
  • Participation in the final Rite of Passage retreat

  • Loy Teik Ngan and Chong Kweikee
    Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

    Jim and Adam collaborated to launch a next-generation forum group composed of our three daughters and three young-adult relatives. This forum has given them the awareness, clarity, and maturity to build their own sense of self and explore their unique giftedness. I have seen them grow into confident, centered young adults. Our parent-with-young-adult relationships have deepened and we feel more connected than ever.

  • Loy Guang Wen
    Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

    Adam, inspired me to explore my inner workings, affirm my desires, and to embrace who I am. I could always see the door, but Adam provided the guidance and motivation I needed to step through it.

  • Maurice Collada
    New York, NY

    Four years out of law school, I joined a peer support group led by Adam and Paul. Without the structure of school that I had known for so long, I found my approach to life more reactive than proactive, allowing certain aspects of my life to slip away. Although progressing forward in my professional and personal life, I felt a nagging sense of becoming unmoored. Within the structure of my forum, I learned to be intentional about where I focus my energy. After two years, I now have clarity around my sense of direction and purpose. My relationship with my wife, my family and my friends are also stronger because I am aware of and can openly communicate my needs and motivators. With the support and accountability of this group, I am confident that I will achieve a full life, well lived.

  • Freddy Daues
    Denver, CO

    When I was 22 years old I joined a peer support group led by Adam and Paul. I truly feel lucky that I have had exposure to this unique dynamic. In an open environment with absolute trust, I have had the opportunity to be myself, speak my mind, learn from others that I respect, and get useful feedback on different aspects of my life. I can wholeheartedly claim that with support of this group I am taking full advantage of my life, living out my definition of success, comfortable with who I am, and confident in my path.

  • Chandra McClelland
    New York, NY

    Jim and Peter Evans launched our family forum, where we could share things that hadn't been shared before: dynamics within the extended family, insights into our parents' upbringing, and the challenges my siblings and I faced in our twenties. It was an exceptionally valuable growth step for all of us—to relate to one another as adults. Now, we continue to evolve, as individuals, as siblings, and as a close-knit family through regular siblings-only video forums and full-family forums.

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Video: Direct Conversations and Emotion